“…when we listen, truly listen and seek to understand what it is like to be in another person’s world, we make connections and the distance between us falls away.”
My husband and I teach memoir classes at The Grief House in Decatur, GA. It’s a wonderful place where people can bring their grief without being told how to grieve or when they should be done. Their slogan there is “Weaving loss into life.” We started teaching memoir writing at that location in case there were people who were at a place in their grief journey where they felt like they might like to share their experience to keep others from feeling alone in their own grief. Not everyone feels called to write about it, but we thought if they did, we could help them with that. Because my memoir You’re Not a Murderer: You Just Have Harm OCD which I coauthored with my oldest, Finn, has to do with OCD and the intrusive thoughts of Harm OCD, I sometimes get questions or comments afterwards.
Over the years, I’ve received all kinds of comments, and looks, especially from people who not only haven’t heard of intrusive thoughts and Harm OCD, but thought OCD was just someone who liked to keep things really organized (stereotype alert). That’s why it’s extra refreshing when someone makes a genuine effort to understand, even though they don’t have OCD. A lady walked up to me after one of the memoir classes and said, “You know, I don’t have OCD or intrusive thoughts, but when I go to a scenic overlook, I always have this wild thought: what if I just walk right over the edge? And I always think, where did that come from? It’s just this weird, appalling thought that comes out of nowhere. I’m not depressed or upset about anything. It’s just a random thought, but I imagine that what you are saying is that for a person with Harm OCD, they might get stuck on that thought and not be able to laugh it off as a fluke. I can imagine it would be really scary for a thought like that to get stuck in your head on a loop. I imagine that must be something of what it’s like, maybe?”
She tilted her head and looked at me for feedback, and I just wanted to give her a big hug. “Yes, that’s pretty darn accurate. Thank you for your understanding and compassion. Not everyone can do that.”
I’ll take that any day over the conversations I’ve had where someone says something like this, “Well, my cousin keeps her house immaculate but doesn’t think thoughts like that.” I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at such statements. There are just so many things wrong with those kinds of comments. What I do know is this: when we listen, truly listen and seek to understand what it is like to be in another person’s world, we make connections and the distance between us falls away.
Thank you, my friend.
Did you know?
While an estimated 1 in 40 adults and 1 in 100 children suffer from OCD, it is estimated that up to 50% also suffer with intrusive thoughts and 70% of youth suffer with aggressive intrusive thoughts known as Harm OCD that include frightening, recurring mental images of hurting oneself or others. The fear and stigma of disclosing such notions keep sufferers from getting help. Let’s break the stigma and be a safe space for each other.
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Harm OCD: You Are Not Alone 